I Am Developer

I Am Developer

London -- 8th November 2014

Paul Johnson


www.pjcj.net


A

____________

of developers


A

merge conflict

of developers


A

celebration

of developers

Image credit: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1e/Helen_Reddy.jpg

Image credit: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1e/Helen_Reddy.jpg Image credit: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8f/Ken_Thompson_%28sitting%29_and_Dennis_Ritchie_at_PDP-11_%282876612463%29.jpg

Image credit: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1e/Helen_Reddy.jpg Image credit: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8f/Ken_Thompson_%28sitting%29_and_Dennis_Ritchie_at_PDP-11_%282876612463%29.jpg

Source: Wikipedia




I am developer

Hear me roar!


Oh yes I am wise


Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain


Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price


Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained


Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything


Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong


Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
I am invincible


Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am developer




I'm very sorry for this ...

I'm not a
Sys Admin
but

I'm not a
Sys Admin
but
I can install an OS on a bare machine

I'm not a
Sys Admin
but
I can hack a mail config

I'm not a
Sys Admin
but
I can patch bash

I'm not a
Sys Admin
but
I can patch bash
(and again)

I'm not a
DBA
but

I'm not a
DBA
but
I can run explain on a query

I'm not a
DBA
but
I can run explain on a query
and add the missing index

I'm not a
DBA
but
I can write a schema in 3rd Normal Form

I'm not a
DBA
but
I can write a schema in 3rd Normal Form
(probably)

I'm not a
Web Designer
but

I'm not a
Web Designer
but
I can write HTML by hand

I'm not a
Web Designer
but
I can get CSS to do what I want

I'm not a
Web Designer
but
I can get CSS to do what I want
(or just use a table)

I'm not a
Computer Scientist
but

I'm not a
Computer Scientist
but
I know that O(n log n) is probably OK and O(n2) probably isn't

I'm not a
Computer Scientist
but
I know you should use a heap if possible

I'm not a
Computer Scientist
but
I know that there's a wikipedia article on red‑black trees that I can look up

I'm not a
Hardware Engineer
but

I'm not a
Hardware Engineer
but
I know that you need more RAM

I'm not a
Hardware Engineer
but
I can add more RAM

I'm not a
Hardware Engineer
but
I can also replace a disk

I'm not a
Hardware Engineer
but
I can also replace a disk
(because it really shouldn't be making that noise)

I'm not a
Systems Programmer
but

I'm not a
Systems Programmer
but
I know how to use both of Perl's select calls

I'm not a
Systems Programmer
but
I know how to use both of Perl's select calls
(and not just for sub-second sleeps)

I'm not a
Support Staffer
but

I'm not a
Support Staffer
but
have you tried turning it off and on again?

I'm not a
Security Expert
but

I'm not a
Security Expert
but
I know that cross-anything is bad

I'm not a
Security Expert
but
I know that cross-anything is bad
and so are injections

I'm not a
Security Expert
but
I know SQL needs to be parameterised

I'm not a
Security Expert
but
I know SQL needs to be parameterised
(Bobby Tables told me)

I'm not a
Security Expert
but
I can set up ssl certificates

I'm not a
Security Expert
but
I can set up ssl certificates
and ssh tunnels

I'm not a
Security Expert
but
I can set up ssl certificates
and ssh tunnels
(but I don't trust them as much as I used to)

I'm not a
Network Engineer
but

I'm not a
Network Engineer
but
I know there are seven layers on that OSI diagram

I'm not a
Network Engineer
but
I know there are seven layers on that OSI diagram
(and I only want to have to deal with the seventh)

I'm not a
Miracle Worker
but

I'm not a
Miracle Worker
but
Oh, hold on, yes I am!

I'm not a
Miracle Worker
but
Oh, hold on, yes I am!
(Just don't rush me)

You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
Miracle Max
Image credit: http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Miracle-Max-and-His-Wife-the-princess-bride-53260_600_331.jpg

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am developer
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